How can I make myself accept that I should end it. How come no matter how hard I try I end up backing out? Ive tried therapy and all it did was make me feel sick and make me hate myself.
What part of the brain deals with self preservation? Its not a fight or flight thing or a fear thing, even when planning to use peaceful means I end up losing the motivation to end it.
Im a constant dissapointment to myself. I still dont understand the universe on any meaningful level and im not going to go anywhere in academia. Im a debt on my family and the sooner I end it the less of a negative impact i'll end up having on them. How can I stop hesitating and just get it over with? Also, is it better to die while concious or to be unconcious? Is it easier for loved ones to come to terms with a death if the body is mostly intact or does that make it harder to accept the death?