>>10947646Unironically this.
Nothing beats a good dump in the great outdoors. I discovered it entirely by accident, although at the time it was quite traumatic, being against my strict, clean protestant upbringing.
So there I was, miles away from anywhere and SUDDENLY, the urge to take a GIGANTIC CRAP was upon me, like a demon. Possibly because I hadn't take a dump in days. In sweaty desperation I looked around. Not a toilet in sight! Fuck! Hard times require hard men, so I gritted my teeth, dropped me pants, squatted down, furtively scanning my surroundings for any prying eyes. There were none, thank Jesus!
Then it came, naturally, it came forcefully with the strength of a thousand anal clenches. My face contorted, I gritted my teeth, sweat formed on my brow. THEN IT DUMPED!
It was a magnificent log. I beheld my creation, there, on the dewy grass, its rich aroma wafting up to fill my senses. I had never seen such a pristine log, nor smelled its earthy goodness, for in my entire life I had never gone "bear in the woods", consigning all my creations to the watery hell of the bowl.
It was a revelation. For once in my life I HAD BEEN A MAN! I had fertilized the soil as GOD had intended us to do! It was good. It was good in the way waves crashing on a beach is good. The way birds fly in the sky is good. The way the stars move across the heavens is good. I resolved from then on to go "bear in the woods" at every opportunity. Praise Jesus!
I had no toilet paper of course, but then I realized that the crap had come out clean. Had dropped from my ring piece with no clinging residue. There was no need to wipe. All mighty God in His supreme wisdom had designed us to crap like bears in the wood, minus the fur, with no need to wipe when in tune with nature!
It was a revelation. I knew from that point on my life had changed for the better. I pulled my pants up, felt the sticky wet zone, and knew that next time I should keep my pants well away from the drop zone.
