I dropped out from high school a few years ago, I am on my own

I taught meself electrical and mechanical engineering and machining, I learned pretty much everything from experimentation and practice in the field, I can make automation machinery of many kinds from industrial legos

But I can't do calculus REEEEEEEEEEEEE, every time I need to do integration and directive I have to pull out my ti calculator like a fucking pleb, I can't do science??!!!

My high school classmates can do math but I can't, every time I need to design something I can't dig into math, I follow conventions and estimations, is it a blessing or a curse?