I am slowly descending into my own world of maddness again... There is no stopping the spiral when it has begun. I will never be normal or capable of interacting with the world in a healthy way. It is useless to try.

The person who helped me out last time is gone. He said I am good enough to deal with things on my own now. I was using him as a crutch, so he had to delete everything to make sure I don't rely on him when I don't need to.

Things were going well for a while, but the train is veering off the tracks now. I think my anti-depressants don't work anymore. Panicked feelings and low moods are back. I can't escape them. Almost relapsed back into the OCD too. It's over for me. There is no fixing things because my life goes up and down. I'm done.

The doctors think I have ASD. Wanted me to go for neuropsychiatric evaluation, but that would do no good. ASD cannot be fixed and I don't want a helper. I'm not retarded and people who need helpers to function don't have agency. They are pathetic.