>>13393129The real scientific reason for this is fucking mathematics.
I am only 20 but being talented at natural sciences is absolutely the worst curse for a man to bear. I read books on Number Theory, Algebra, Complex Analysis, and I'm time and time again blown away by the beauty and the intelligence of the arguments. I wonder how these essentially made-up objects feel so natural and necessary (for example groups, fields, analytic functions etc. ) and who the hell came up with all of this. There is an entire world that you are sucked in that is not accessible to 99% of people who either don't care, don't know enough to care or are too stupid to care. As a consequence, you become unable to relate to other people (can't explain what you're researching and thinking about) and you lose the ability to lead a normal life because doing anything but academia would feel awful. And being in academia sucks because you have to work insane hours, be under stress, and not earn a lot of money.
I am top of the year student, getting all A's and studying in my spare time, even having published papers with original results. Despite this, it all feels futile. I can't even support myself without leeching of parents (shitty scholarships and opportunities in my country), don't have a job, don't have friends and never touched a girl (actually got rejected >=3 times, so it's even more hopeless than if I hadn't ever tried). So I study hard, I'm even physically very active and essentially do everything right and I still fail in life.
Fucking sucks but eventually, I am sure if I persist, my day will come and I will get a comfy professor job.
