>>3099879I am a female/closet-transmale. I feel male, but I have accepted that my body will never change, so I just deal with it and try to accept myself as I am.
I have no idea what sexuality I am. I feel repulsed by sex, though sometimes I like the thought of being in a homosexual relationship (f/f or m/m). I want someone to protect and care for, and to be protected and taken care of; I want a companion-like relationship, but I don't seem to be able to trust or like anyone enough to be a part of one.
My main board is /cm/, though I have been frequenting /u/ and /c/, as well. I used to be very active on /k/, but it kind of turned shitty, so I stopped visiting.
I still live with my parents, because I haven't been in the workforce for very long, and I don't have any friends to room with. In my area, owning a house is half the cost of renting one, but I don't have enough work experience to get a loan. So I have to stay here for another year, which is not ideal.
The plan was that I leave home with my mom the second I could. My dad is an alcoholic, and he has abused my mom and I for all my life. Verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. Of course, no physical abuse usually, and he never left marks when he did hit us. I wish he would hurt us so we could send him to jail. I am afraid that my mom is going to kill him and then herself, as she has expressed she's wanted to do many times. Whenever I come home from work or school, I wonder if they will be dead. Hence escaping with mom, so we can both get out of this situation without anymore pain.
And to make matters worse, my cat now has immune-mediated anemia, and it's not going away. I raised him since he was a couple weeks old, and now I face losing him five years later. He is the only thing I feel a real connection to. As stupid as it sounds, he is like my son.
I want to sleep until it's all over.
I feel like an edgy teenager again, and I probably sound like one, so I apologise if I caused any cringe.
