For years I have massively underperformed in school. I have just now failed a subject and this will significantly impact the rest of my college experience (I will not be able to get an internship through the Uni which is top 100 QS and would have been very lucrative) among other things. I am studying EE.

Looking back at the last few years it's a miracle I have even made it this far. I cannot maintain my attention on a college video for longer than 5 minutes. I see a video over 12 minutes and feel a noticeable uptick in anxiety. I don't think I have ever been fully present in a class or lecture since I remember. I have no focus and cannot get anything done that requires patience and effort over a long period of time. The only way I get by is by answering questions and learning off methods. As soon as I need to think about anything abstract I lose patience and panic. I often feel so neurotic that I can't read, like I have to reread the same paragraph multiple times to actually comprehend any of it.

I have spent 4 years trying to find what is wrong with me. I have tried everything, every meme supplement, meditation, exercise, study based advice, quitting all stimulating activities (I don't browse this site anymore), everything in the book. I don't believe my problem is physically fixable. I can't tell if have an attention disorder or a high baseline level of anxiety that causes me to be extremely avoidant and absent in everything I do. I just feel like I'm a fundamentally dysfunctional person. Things that are so simple for most are rocket science to me. I should mention that I always did very well in cognitive aptitude tests, was a strong competitive chess player things that would usually indicate the makings of a successful academic but I have always fallen short of my potential on paper.

If anyone here felt the same and fixed it, please help, I'll try anything. I am in principle opposed to Adderall but I'm getting desperate here. Thanks