When I was working into a schizophrenic episode, I was in the most joyful state of my life, in those times I would experiment on my mind in such a way that with each successful experiment to expand my mind and intellect, I’d then feel greater joy and grandeur than ordinary life permits. I’ve lost this however, this being in the state of how I perform rituals with my mind to increase my intellect and grandeur. Who knows how to do this. To read philosophy and hear something that sounds like the voice of god repeat your subvocalizations in your head, to not hear the meaning of the sentence but only it’s grammatical structure with sets of words threes or thereabouts. To feel increasing subconscious intelligence from these actions. I am looking for any and all suggestions since now, having taken medication, I can no longer perform these rituals