/sci/ - Science & Math » Thread #13595026

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Good researcher, socially retarded

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 15:26:51 2021 No.13595026 View Reply Original Report

Quoted By: >>13595038 >>13595111 >>13595183 >>13597621 >>13597867

Starting my PhD soon and know I will perform well on the research output side of things. However I feel like I will miss opportunities to develop contacts and leadership, management etc. due to my social skills

> that's anon over there, he mostly keeps to himself, best not to bother him.
is gonna be my life for the next 4 years. Any books or guides that can help me with this?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 15:29:46 No.13595036 Report

Quoted By:

you sure do seem to like talking about yourself.
thats why you have no friends.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 15:30:26 No.13595038 Report

Quoted By: >>13595080 >>13595136 >>13595172

>>13595026
This is a bit of a wild shot since I don't know what's causing your social issues, but if you're anything like me here is some advice.
You need to get rid of your fear of embarrassment. I suggest going on discord voice channels to anonymously talk to people. If you embarrass yourself, you can just leave the server and never come back. But it's better to pull through the embarrassment. The point is to get rid of perceived negative consequences of embarrassment.
Also a question for you: have you ever gotten drunk? If so, did your social skills change?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 15:30:33 No.13595040 Report

Quoted By:

grow a spine

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 15:40:00 No.13595080 Report

Quoted By: >>13595121

>>13595038
Thanks, good suggestion
I'm very social when I'm drunk

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 15:48:55 No.13595111 Report

Quoted By: >>13595135

>>13595026
Read "the like switch" kinda cringe at the beginning but it has good advice. EZ to read. Also go on a solo trip for 3 weeks and stay at a hostel after you have finished the book.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 15:52:09 No.13595121 Report

Quoted By: >>13595135

>>13595080
If you're very social when you're drunk, that means that your social difficulties come from your inhibitions, and those can be fixed with effort.
You need to learn that you can go beyond your inhibitions and things will still be ok. That requires lots of practice of overcoming your inhibitions.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 15:54:42 No.13595127 Report

Quoted By:

I think you'll grow out of it, especially as you become confident in your abilities and career

For example, I used to be an autist in undergrad. I am now a very capable PhD chemist and are very social, regularly make new contacts etc

I will say that a lot of opportunities will come to you during grad school so make use of as many as you can

Cheers

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 15:56:30 No.13595135 Report

Quoted By:

>>13595111
the title sure is cringe but I'll give it a try anon, thanks!
>>13595121
so is there some way to overcome this in incremental steps. Saying "just do it lol" might work a bit but would get really exhausting and I think I'd revert back to my old self. Any ideas that I could try out?

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 15:56:41 No.13595136 Report

Quoted By: >>13595210

>>13595038
thats loser advice, you're a cuck.
people fear embarrassment because they have no self confidence.
killing brain cells with alcohol just confirms that you're a cuck loser with no self confidence.
non losers approach social situations as an opportunity to raise their apparent social status with respect to their peers. it is not kindergarten playtime, life is a constant struggle, if you show weakness others will take note and you will suffer the consequences.
op should approach social situations with the same aggressive vigor and competitiveness that he approaches academic situations with, that is the only way to achieve significance in the sciences.
>b-b-b-but i'm gonna be a famous genius researcher, i don't need to know how to socialize.
false, all of your brilliant research will be stolen credited to someone else if you don't have the social skills to take credit for your brilliance and seize the opportunities when they come.
albert einstein is the world's most famous theoretical physicist and he couldn't even do math. he got to be famous though use of social skills, by taking credit for the works of mousey sissies who were too shy to speak up for themselves.

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 16:10:07 No.13595172 Report

Quoted By: >>13595233

>>13595038
This. If alcohol helps you that's not a bad starting point. Disregarding the health effects of overconsumption and the condemnations of /sci/ autists it can be quite the help. Like with many CNS stimulants it's just treating the acute symptoms, not the underlying cause. But just like anti-depresive meds the main purpose is to fix the acute symptoms short term so you can help yourself long-term. Try to drink when social situations allow, as long as you're being sensible. Beer or wine for dinners, grab a single beer when sitting in the park with friends, ask if your co-students wanna go for a game of pool at the pub after the work is done. I know I might sound like you should use alcohol as a crutch your whole life, but that's not what I mean. I'm just saying that if it helps you practice social interaction it's good training wheels.
I had a similar experience at school and work. It took me about a decade until I became sociably adept enough to be instantly likeable to new people. I never had the instinct for it so I had to learn it the hard way. By now I quite enjoy socializing but it's still pretty taxing mentally.
It's well worth the time invested though Anon, social skills open many doors, academically, romantically, platonically and career wise. Keep trucking anon.

Praise Jesus

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Praise Jesus Thu 02 Sep 2021 16:14:27 No.13595183 Report

Quoted By:

>>13595026
>Starting my PhD soon and know I will perform well on the research output side of things
The smell of cheap labor
*Sniffs in*
Ahhh..... I love slave... I mean good workers

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 16:20:53 No.13595210 Report

Quoted By:

>>13595136
>false, all of your brilliant research will be stolen credited to someone else if you don't have the social skills to take credit for your brilliance and seize the opportunities when they come.
exactly what I'm afraid of anon
your answer is direct but it inspires me in some way

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 16:25:51 No.13595233 Report

Quoted By: >>13595270

>>13595172
Thanks anon. Weirdly enough I have some great friends and a girlfriend (although I'm definitely the quiet one) but in these other situations with strange people I'm just too socially inept to become likeable for collaboration, helping out, improving career etc. I have too many examples of me just sitting somewhere, working, and not creating any relations with the people around me. Working is just the easy way out

Anonymous

Anonymous Thu 02 Sep 2021 16:38:09 No.13595270 Report

Quoted By:

>>13595233
You're not particularly wrong in the way you are. It's just that modern society puts social extroverts on a pedestal. An advantage in my professional and social life is that I have been like you. I can recognize that while people may be shy or not very outgoing, it is often very much worth the effort to persistently engage them socially and invest time in getting to know them. Some of the most loyal and smart people I know have taken me years to get to know. I didn't mind that they didn't seem interested in being social with me, and I didn't stop inviting them for beers and business dinners, even when people told me that I should stop wasting time on them. It was all well worth it, and years later I have learned how much they appreciated it and enjoyed it, even though nobody would have ever guessed at the time.
It's a bit sad that so many people of unimagined sincerity and quality go unnoticed simply because they don't feel the need to be the center of attention.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 03 Sep 2021 05:11:38 No.13597621 Report

Quoted By:

>>13595026
You won't be successful just by being intelligent in your studies, you need to develop social skills and get over your fear of judgement and self-consciousness.

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 03 Sep 2021 06:10:13 No.13597762 Report

Quoted By:

Have your tried researching social skills?

Anonymous

Anonymous Fri 03 Sep 2021 07:04:13 No.13597867 Report

Quoted By:

>>13595026
>know I will perform well on the research output side of things.
If only academia were still about research

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