Bear in the Woods. That's right. Nothing beats the feeling of being a bear in the woods. Squat and dump. Let me tell you a little story...
For two years I lived on a piece of rural land in a tent, no house, but had water. I went bear in the woods every day. Started off in one corner and worked my way around, from side to side, in a regular pattern, dumping a couple of feet away from where I last went, marked by an ordinary garden spade left standing in the ground.
1. Take spade, dig a very shallow hole, basically just cutting into the turf on three sides and then lifting it up and over like a hinge.
2. Then just dig one small scoop of dirt, placed to the side. The "hole would have measure no more than a few inches deep, and was only as wide as the width of the spade. Perhaps 5 - 6 inches.
3. Then I would squat over it and be a bear. I had to imagine the woods because there were none. Just a line of trees along the boundary, enough for privacy. BUT THAT DOESN'T MATTER! For a moment I was the Bear. In the woods! Then job done I would flip the turf back over the deed and gently press it down.
4. Push the spare dirt over the margins of the hole. Jam the spade into clear ground right next to it, ready for tomorrow.
Now let me tell just how goddamned satisfying that was. Day after day. Each time a sort of pleasant squelchy feeling when I pushed the turf down over my warm soft poo. Doing that felt almost as good as the pooing itself. Now here's the thing, yes, it took a bit of practice to get the aim right, but no more than a few days, and I tell you Brothers, once you have got used to having a straight squat 1 minute poo, it dropping out, clean, straight and easy with no shit to wipe, you will not want to go back to a fucking house toilet. I kid you not. Pooing this way was very clean and quick. Effortless. The best part was that after a year I began to see the effects of my fertilizer. The area I had been was lush and green compared to the rest. Just beautiful.
