>be waiter at diner
>regular day, a bit warmer than usual
>serve orange juice and pancakes to some old guy
>he looks extremely bored
>stare at him from a distance for a while, think I've seen him before
>It's Ed Witten
>come up, say I'm sorry
>"No need, I just really need someone to talk to"
>asks me for my name, tell him
>he picks up the straw from his drink
>"Tell me anon, how many holes does this straw have?"
>it's open on both ends, so two
>"anon, everyone knows a straw is homeomorphic to their anus"
>but my anus only has one hole
>"That's a trivial problem"
>he signals the other staff
>one of them bars the doors, the rest hold me down
>Ed takes a plastic knife from his plate
>literally tears me a second asshole
>unimaginable agony, scream at the top of my lungs the whole time
>i lay there, too weak to move any of my limbs
>pic realted is the last image i see before i bleed out