>>3595232Oh that was yours? I had just finished reading it an hour ago, nice.
At first the first person narrative confused me, but it didn't take me long to figure out it was from Omori's pov.
Personally, I love reading about bad ending divergences where Basil catches Sunny before he jumps, it's not a very explored scenario and it's pretty sweet (although a tad sad) depending on how it's executed.
I think your writing and pacing are pretty good, usually when I don't enjoy someone's writing, I just skim through it and skip parts that I'm not interested in. But if the writing is good I read it from top to bottom.
Now, my only hard critique is the way Basil reacted, specifically in ch.2
He just caught his best friend about to jump off the hospital roof, then he just leaves and goes like "Don't do that again", it immediately made me think of those RPGs where you're trying to go to a high-level area, but some random npc will keep sprinting towards you and blocking your path and go like "Hey you can't go there". I feel that he could've showed a bit more concern instead after seeing an attempted suicide right before his eyes.
But that's really my only critique, I'm looking forward to see how you'll work on Sunny's insecurity to confess right as he's about to do so. And I hope you don't take my criticism too hard, I'm just trying to help after all, and I'd hate to see you feeling demotivated over my words. Keep it up, anon.
