he's not an alcoholic, far from it. He's a savant at chemistry and my mom is also a STEM major. They love my art, and if anything are fairly critical about it, they just don't understand the lifestyle that goes into making art pieces and that's where we differ.
my dad believes in pills first, therapy never. He also has an emotional intelligence of zero.
Don't get me wrong, I love my father, and genuinely believe him to be an all around better person on paper and in reality. If anyone is the asshole, it's me.
The trouble is that he doesn't understand why I can't just be on the medication. "You're still making great art boxman, sure, i'm not a fan of you chugging cough syrup to get creative, but you know you have chemically induced psychosis and abilify helps curtail that."
and he's right, i am still making artworks, but i'm not making gains whatsoever, and trying explain "art gains" to someone who doesn't do art is impossible.
See, you need a healthy amount of stress to become better at anything. The flow zone occurs when a task is challenging, but not impossible. Too little stress and you're just back in your boring comfort zone, too much stress and you give up.
abilify just eliminates all stress from my life. the average moron would coom to have that, but i hate it.
im stuck in some chemically induced hollow nirvana and unlike you guys who are actually not getting better despite putting in the effort, im not getting better because im incapable of feeling that sense of accomplishment that follows after.
abilify is great for nailing narcissists like me right in the nuts,deflating dreams, and putting you in a more realistic perspective but the problem is art requires a certain amount of narcissism and fuck man, it's nice to dream about making it every once in a while.
its not NGMI its "well i don't care if make it or not." Which isn't me! my best bet moving forward is to obviously quit the drugs and build faith with my dad.