Quoted By:
Peter… I need you to get rid of my porn collection… Magazines, videos, some security footage I bought on the black market… There are snuff films in there, Pete. If your Aunt May sees all the pictures I took of her feet while she was sleeping… it’s all in the box in the basement labelled “Baby Pictures” … Before you ask: yes, there are baby pictures in here, they’re just not of you… They’re part of a collection, but that doesn’t matter now… You’ve gotta do this for me Pete. You’ve gotta destroy my porn stash… And I mean DESTROY that shit, kid … Seriously, the hentai alone is enough to get a man put away… Hentai is Japanese for “pervert”, son, and that’s what I am… That’s what your Uncle Ben is… All the fat globs of semen I’ve wasted masturbating to bestiality and vore over the years… And I’m a strong ejaculator, Pete… I’m as sterile as a surgery room, but I cum like a geyser every time… I think part of the thrill was always seeing if I could get any of it in my mouth… The first time I did it was a complete accident, but the taste, Pete… The taste was unlike anything I had ever experienced before… I started to crave it… It was like a drug to me… And that’s coming from a guy who did a lot of blow in the 90s… usually off the ass-cheeks of some coked out hooker who me and the boys would kill for sport later… I have some footage of that in my porn collection… Which again, you REALLY need to get rid of… I cannot overstate the importance of wiping that shit from the face of the Earth… Okay, what else, what else? Oh, you can have the slice of cake from Aunt May’s birthday that I’ve been saving… I mean, I took a bite out of it, but it’s not like I have herpes or anything… Wait… Do genitals count? Never mind, I’m dying now… In summation: great power, great responsibility, burn my porn, eat my cake… Bleh…
