Mr. Morrison? We have your test results and... Well, we think you should take at what we've discovered.
We're seeing concentrated levels of a highly toxic chemical compound called "bulschiterin" building up between your joints and deteriorating the muscles and tendons which allow you to draw your widely successful and critically unassailable webcomic.
Unfortunately, this condition is incurable. The bulchiterin will affect your ability to draw in stages.
The first stage is what we in the medical industry like to call the "Awkward Zombie" phase. You'll put out content a little slower but only to an acceptable degree considering the circumstances of our life. You've already gone far beyond that.
The next phase is the "Nedroid" phase. Updates will occur so infrequently as to be both noticeable and slightly worrying. There will be brief, happy spikes of productivity but, ultimately, you will experience a gradual loss in your ability to adhere to update schedules.
The third and final stage befoe complete shutdown is the "Lackadaisy" phase. At this point we will move your webcomic to a new location at a nice, peaceful corner of our Bookmarks list where it can never update in peace and comfort until the... passing.
We're sorry, Mr. Morrison. If you would like to make any arrangements please-- NARGH!
What? No! No, that can't be! It's not supposed to be contagious it's-- ARGH!
Must... Get... To... Phone... Warn... Civilisation...
Must... Fight... Urge... to Filter... Negative criticism... And... Simplify... Art...
Have... To... NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
