>>89390330I've typed it out a hundred times before, and it's always the same stupid thing. I wasted over 10 years of progress to draw stupid cartoon porn for the Internet instead of actually learning anything useful, and now I can't unlearn any of the shitty, idiotic habits I developed during, so the only thing I'll ever be is a low-tier cartoon porn artist. While looking back on an entire goddamn decade wasted, I realized there were teenagers working for Dreamworks and earning a salary, while I'm still stuck doing tech support for minimum wage, no benefits, and shitty hours.
So trying to improve my art nowadays only reminds me of two things: I'm getting older, and there are more than enough people much younger than me who understand the concepts presented in this thread better than I could ever hope to. They've also got their whole adult lives ahead of them to continue to improve on their already-incredibly-developed skills, and maybe one day (if I'm very, VERY lucky), I'll be getting paid another shithouse wage to bring them their coffee and desperately avoid making eye contact (because the absolute last thing I want is for someone both younger and more accomplished than me to see just how jealous I am of them). But, even more likely, I'll still be working tech support at a community college.
Drawing used to make me smile. I used to stay up all night drawing, then go to school and spend all day there drawing, too. I drew every day, and every day spent drawing was another step on the way towards having a career in art. Now, all it does is make me feel tired and shitty, and remind me of all the time I've wasted. My ideas suck, my designs suck, I suck. I can draw for barely two hours before I feel discouraged and frustrated. I sometimes hope to die in my sleep, just so I can stop feeling like a failure. I don't know.
Apologies for clogging a good thread with my bullshit. I'm done. OP, keep doing what you do.
