Vhet zee foock deed yuoo joost foockeeng sey ebuoot me-a, yuoo leettle-a beetch? I’ll hefe-a yuoo knoo I gredooeted tup ooff my cless in zee Nefy Seels, und I’fe-a beee infulfed in noomeruoos secret reeeds oon El-Qooeeda, und I hefe-a oofer 300 cunffurmed keells. I em treeened in gureella verffere-a und I’m zee tup sneeper in zee inture-a US ermed furces. Yuoo ere-a nutheeng tu me-a boot joost unuzeer terget. I veell veepe-a yuoo zee foock oooot veet preceesiun zee leekes ooff vheech hes nefer beee seee beffure-a oon thees Iert, merk my foockeeng vurds. Yuoo theenk yuoo cun get evey veet seyeeng thet sheet tu me-a oofer zee Internet? Theenk egeeen, foocker. Es ve-a speek I em cuntecteeng my secret netvurk ooff speees ecruss zee USA und yuoor IP is beeeng treced reeght noo su yuoo better prepere-a fur zee sturm, meggut. Zee sturm thet veepes oooot zee pezeeteec leettle-a theeng yuoo cell yuoor leeffe-a. Yuoo’re-a foockeeng deed, keed. I cun be-a unyvhere-a, unyteeme-a, und I cun keell yuoo in oofer sefee hoondred veys, und thet’s joost veet my bere-a hunds. Nut oonly em I ixtenseefely treeened in unermed cumbet, boot I hefe-a eccess tu zee inture-a ersenel ooff zee Uneeted Stetes Mereene-a Curps und I veell use-a it tu its fooll ixtent tu veepe-a yuoor meesereble-a ess ooffff zee fece-a ooff zee cunteenent, yuoo leettle-a sheet. Iff oonly yuoo cuoold hefe-a knoon vhet unhuly retreebooshun yuoor leettle-a “clefer” cumment ves ebuoot tu breeng doon upun yuoo, meybe-a yuoo vuoold hefe-a held yuoor foockeeng tungooe-a. Boot yuoo cuooldn’t, yuoo deedn’t, und noo yuoo’re-a peyeeng zee preece-a, yuoo guddemn ideeut. I veell sheet foory ell oofer yuoo und yuoo veell droon in it. Yuoo’re-a foockeeng deed, keeddu. Bork Bork Bork!
