Things just kept getting worse, in ways I could've never anticipated. Worst thing is, none of it was my fault, and I was at the mercy of ignorant dimwits. But are they paying the price for their mistakes? Of course not! Oh no, it's anon who's got to pay, always anon... Well, curses to that I say. I'm not giving up. This decade, especially these last few years, have served as a lesson. And at this point, I've moved past things that used to fill me with sadness or self-pity. So now I'm free to devote myself to the great work and nothing else.
It's just... You grow up and you think that certain things will happen to you, maybe a little bit later, but they will happen. And then your circumstances change, and moments pass you by until you've missed a great deal of events that you should've lived through. And the worst thing is that, you keep tumbling down in parts of your life that are vital to your advancement. Not out of your volition, but because of the decisions of others. And so you're beaten. And you become weak. And then you fall on your own. Eventually, you reach a point of complete and utter defeat. Meanwhile, everyone else was climbing the mountain, some faster, some slower, living those moments, together, and you've just been falling down a hole. So now you're climbing alone. And those moments have left as well. You'll never live them. For a while you lie to yourself and fantasize about those perfect points in time, that are surely coming. That "change" in your character that will make you "better". And while you're doing that, you're twisting yourself into a false, broken persona. Well, at some point you have to look back, and inwards, and accept the truth.
At the very least I believe in what I'm devoting myself to, so there is solace in that. But greatness always demands sacrifice. Especially the kind of glory I seek. But then again, I've always had a God Complex. So, let it happen. Let the great plan commence. Let destiny embrace me.