But, now onto my brilliant plot! When I came to America, I spent my life trying to find a group of insane lunatics that I could manipulate to my bidding! I went everywhere! The public schools! Congress! California! But no one had the level of madness and foolishness I needed to enact my evil plan!
Until one day, while trying to get advice on why my microwave kept sparking when I put in my favorite tinfoil-covered dinner, I stumbled across a sort of...Russian basketball forum? Or, is it a Japanese paint review forum? Either way, I discovered a subculture on the Internet so insane, so inept, so dangerously violent, that I knew right away I found my guinea pigs! Prattling on about comic books, which female sports player's undergarments would smell the sweatiest, could they make dip out of year old cream cheese and half-melted Riccotta? It was madness, and just what I needed, Perry the Platypus!
After months of research on the human brain and subliminal messaging, which I downloaded from the CIA's own website, I set into motion my plan to control the Tri-State area!
Using my new-Inator- the Thread-Inator!- I shall be able to type a series of secret commands into every post I make that will trigger the sound of my own voice within the viewer's head! The commands will be placed in random pictures of myself, this triggering my own voice and beaming my commands into the subject's head! With an army of such feeble will at my control, I shall lead them to my brother Roger's the mayor's office and force him to resign, leaving me as Supreme Leader of the Tri-State area!
Now, if excuse me, Perry the Platypus, I have to head back to /toy/ and tell Anonymous that his opinions about the 1977 Red Skull figurine are wrong, and he should go back to lick cheeto dust of his mother's keyboard! Call me if you need anything!