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Brendon. Come over here a second
Hey Brendon.
>Uhh... Hey?
Hey. Good work out there. You're really helping the team out there.
>... Wow. Thanks, coach. I... I don't think you've ever said anything like tha-
Alright, alright, keep it in your pants, Brendon. Anyway, I called you over here because I think a reward is in order. You see that over there? That's my car.
>You're giving me your car, coach?
What? No. Brendon, shut up. Look, in the back of my car over there, there's a bunch of candy. Why don't we walk over there and go get it?
>Alright then.
Brendon, what the hell?
>What?
You were supposed to say no. What if I was going to kidnap you or something?
>... You were going to kidnap me?
No, Brendon, I wasn't going to kidnap you. You're too trusting. Look, there are some bad people out there Brendon. I mean, there are some bleeped up guys out there. People who might try to kidnap you, they'll promise you candy or something then then they'll drive off with you. You'll never be seen again.
>How much candy are we talking, here? Because if you give me enough candy, I think I'd be good with-
No, Brendon, these people don't have candy. They make up a lie so they can get you to go into their cars. Like offering you a sweet set of stainless steel butterfly knives that you've wanted since your eighth birthday. So you get in, and they drive off with you, they try to put the moves on you, you know, but then they decide you're too chubby and just dump you on the side of the road somewhere because it doesn't get them off
>... Are we still talking about me, coach?
No Brendon, but that's the kind of thing that happens. They put you in their car and then they try to do things to you. Things that don't involve clothes. I mean, they put a bag over your head, there's no noise, just the soothing weightlessness of being carried by a car without a worry about where you're going.
>That actually sounds kind of nice
It was, Brendon. It was the best car ride of my life.
