I've done nothing for the past year, maybe two, depending on your POV, of my life. I've shut down after getting fucked over so many times, that all I do is shitpost here. I feel myself getting dumber, and my body getting weaker. I've lost any personality, and I've resorted to watching obscure Euro movies thinking that they'll make a "Patrician". My studies are in the can, I don't sleep and I'm generally a failure of a human being. Due to stress and unhealthy habits, coupled with weight gain, I'm filledwith cysts. I even have them on my dick and ballsack now (I apply cream and they leave after a few days).
I have little idea of who or what I am anymore and I cannot even decide what I like. I'm not joking; I can't decide anything, especially that. For example, you like color X or movie genre A or whatever. I can't even do that anymore. I've taken to pretending that I'm fictional characters (Iron Man, Doctor Doom, Punisher, Judge Dredd, John Constantine) and I change my "tastes" and mannerisms, even "beliefs" depending on the day (or hour). So I wake up, download some occult torrents from /t/, read some books, then go "this shit is bullshit", delete them, feel like being "cultured", watch some 4-hour B&W film about a horse, then consider that a waste of time, try to read my books, get depressed, start talking to myself,as if I'm giving a speech to someone, shitpost here, go to bed at 04:00 and then the day repeats. I legitimately don't know what I even believe at this point past "I like meat". I feel as if being a sci-fi fan for example is hollow. I feel as if I can't just read Kierkegaard, I need to read the Mahabharata. I can't jsut study what I'm in Uni for, I must also study all sciences.
I've always had a "it's never enough/you're either the best or you're nothing" mentality, but the information has become so vast these days, that I cannot cope with being just good at one thing, and it's driving me insane.