Oh, I wish I was back in old Canada,
A land which I never shall lampoon!
How I pine for the ice covering Lake Manitoba,
And the beauty that is Saskatoon!
Oh, I wish I was stuck in the hills of Alberta,
Drinking beer with some big dumb guy trapping fur!
As he scraped and chiseled all the moose dung off his boots,
I would learn that he's the Prime Minister!
Tom: Oh, stop that!
Oh, I wish I was in the land that gave us Peter Jennings,
Alanis Morissette, Mike Myers, too!
No, I take that back, I wouldn't go there even if you paid me,
Oh, Canada, you are a place I must eschew!
Tom: Now, this is NOT in the spirit I intended!
Mike: Oh, come on, give in! I mean, after all, they gave us Ed the Sock, and Rush!
Crow: Yeah, what are you defending? They're such feebs!'
Tom: Okay, I'll try!'
Mike: All right! Good man!
(sadly) Oh, I wish I was blowing up Prince Edward Island,
And going on to bomb Ontario, heh heh!
(harshly)The destruction of Canada and all of its culture,
Is by far my fav-o-rite scenario!
Mike: Okay, well that's a little strong....
Tom: No, no, you were right Mike, this is much more fun!
Just where the hell does Canada get off sharing a border
With countries far superior to it?
Spoken: Crow: Yikes!
Why, you lousy, stinking, francophonic, bacon-loving bastards,
Your country's just a giant piece of sh- (Mike and Crow cut Servo off in mid-sentence, and Servo breaks down.)
Mike, Crow (ab-lib): Whoa! Okay! Whoa!
Tom (sobbing): Sorry! I have no sense of proportion! I'm a disgrace to my uniform!
Mike: That's ok. Calm down. Mustn't hate, mustn't hate...
Crow: At least so overtly.
Mike: Exactly. Must disguise our hate. We'll be right back. Shhhh, it's ok now, Dudley. Calm down...
Tom (sobbing): Pardonnez-moi...
Mike: ...calm down...