Neither and both.
Looking and thinking isn't hurting them. It literally throughout our lives. Looking with lust might be rude and ill mannered, but it does nothing other than that. Thought is merely thought.
If you dress unattractively as a man or woman, you are unlikely to receive unwanted attention. Was Maude wrong to dress this way? That was a choice she had the right to make. If she dressed like a clown and was laughed at, should she get mad at someone laughing? And here's the kicker, people might laugh and mock you if you dress normal. They also might look lustfully at you if you dressed in a sack.
Both Homer and Maude's behavior is ill mannered, but not hurtful. And unless you can call being ill mannered wrong, which opens up an enormous can of worms when it comes to behavior of both men and women and where you set your standards, neither did anything wrong here. Neither was just very thoughtful.