>>103722802I was diagnosed at age 21, it kinda fucked me up because it was taken over a scantron and in like 1 hour this therapist dude I didn't even know pretty much was treating me like a label I didn't understand.
All of a sudden there was this big weird focus to help me "Understand" myself and my symptoms. I mean yeah I'm socially pretty much a shut-in but the rest isn't helpful or I don't relate to at all. Like flapping hands, no, noise/sensory problems, not really, special interests or crazy memory/skills? Not even close. I wish I could fucking program like crazy or be a talented artist, or memorize autistic facts.
I struggle a lot with memory, and names on faces. Not reading emotions or social cues, just basic stuff like when talking with someone I'm delayed on remembering most things brought up - names, locations, movies/media, even events from my life. And usually I'm too socially anxious or awkward to try to reach out to people and feel constantly guilty like a fuckup- even if I hold the door for someone I'd cry later at night because I'd imagine I "Held it wrong" or they thought I was ugly even if they said thank you or were nice.
But the thing is like, none of that autism really applies to me in a stereotypical way? Maybe internet stereotypical, but I've never really related to other autists or seen the therapist "Let me tell you about You." dealio, in a helpful sense that allows me to understand or improve myself at all. Like I'm autistic but 'Not-Autistic' enough to not-tell my therapist anything about myself because they were a dipshit.
Most of problems have to do with depression, self-control, sexuality, addiction and abit of social anxiety. I got thru Highschool and College alright and intellectually have been told I'm sharp, but yeah, social sperg I guess. Like MLP, Anime and Cartoons, dozens of autistic fetishes, and live on my computer p much. But does being self-aware make it any better?
Anyway that's my 90% authentic 100% autistic post.
