What hurts is not whether or not she will reject you; rather, it is never being able to know if she would/wouldn't. I empathize with you, brother. The fact of the matter is this: if you continue to act in a way that promotes self improvement and perpetual betterment, anyone would be proud.
Ontological reflection could benefit you as well although doing so is a slippery slope.
Stay strong and, most importantly, keep hammering. You will either live a virtuous life or find meaning along the way. In both one may find solace