So, the corrections as promised, all based on this version you posted last thread. Also just reposting the CYOA because why not.
Included suggestions where I believed some further specification would be needed. For brevity, I'll put the original text first and then the correction after it, both in green text. I also assume you can easily ctrl+f the original text.
Page 1>and vital areas>and their vital areas>thanks to glowing eyes>thanks to their glowing eyes>a bit better intuition>slightly better intuition>more than residual energy of a soul, completely devouring>more than just the residual energy of a soul, instead completely devouring>The warm feel>The warm feeling>for a good effect>for good effect>billow out from your body>billowing out from your body>fear of their lives>fear for their lives>ends weak lives>end weak lives>a quick warning>a quick note
Warning isn't the right word to use here. Also, does this mean only Butchers can restrain themselves from attacking allies? Might want to specify that.>it'll it 10x>it'll make it 10x>will go so far as to>will go as far as to>whatever that is>whatever it is
Page 2>through a portal here>through a portal there>of iron cage>of iron cages>there's no easy returning>there's no easy return from there>you require an item>you require a catalyst
Unless item means anything is fine, like as long as it belonged to them?>an object of the person
So two suggestions depending on whether or not you have it remain as item/object. First one if you do, second if you don't>an object from the person>a catalyst from the person>and their minion's>and their minions'>cause them accumulate power>cause them to accumulate power>on every single fight>in every single fight>needs replaced if damaged>needs replacement if damaged>even if you're on Earth>even if they're on Earth>I need to you to do>I need you to do>equally well>just as well