I never enjoyed anything in school, I was pretty crap at every subject. Drawing was something that seemingly I had a natural disposition towards, I remember always getting praise for it. I never liked art, but since I was "naturally gifted" in that area at 22 I figured I'd try and pursue it and make it a hobby and maybe I could grow to love it. 3 years, and 5 hours a day studying fundamentals down the line, I've gotten better, yet I still do not enjoy making art, I don't have an urge to make a cool piece, I actually hate the process of finishing work. What I've enjoyed about art is trying to get better at it, overcome challanges, personal growth, aswell as having something to work towards. Do I really care about making good art or am I just wasting my time? If I quit art I'll have nothing again, no goal to work towards, no way out of this life, that will truly be a pit of despair, and every now and then when I stop doing art I feel that despair, the despair of having nothing, going nowhere. I could get good enough to make money, but I don't even think I'd enjoy it, but the other option is I become mentally ill, loner, work at a gas station, and maybe hang myself. When I was younger I had dreams of being something, I felt like I was going to be something great, have a cute girlfriend, it really hurts when all you've done and will do is stare at a computer monitor and you have no idea what to do about it. If I really loved something, art, music, writing, anything, especially if it made me money, I'd be so happy. It's been me trying to force myself to like this, but it has been a year of feeling arts not for me. So what do I do, do I quit and that's 3 years down the drain, then I probably won't do anything else in that time. I hated school so much and was so bored out of my mind all I did was draw on my work, and I don't even enjoy drawing, life can be complete horse shit.
