I'm just tired of trying
I've been trying my hardest for an honest 5 years. In that time I spent hours of my life just toiling away and drawing to get better.
Never drew anything I was happy with, all that time.
I know someone's going to mention the standards I hold myself to, but I can genuinely see my work lacking both appeal and skill.
I went with my cousin once to his friend's place, about 8 guys, and we really didn't do anything. It was such a shock to me, in over 20 years I had never "hung out" with someone.
All they did was chill and watch sportsball really, just a very natural thing they did, while I worried about every hour I missed. They were much happier than I am, they learnt to socialize.
Frank Frazetta, an American artists and illustrator, attended a fine art academy at age 8 and was blowing away instructors there. He's had many artbooks published, but I only own one.
Looking at his work deeply upsets me, he has genuine talent and I can't stand it. Yes, he's put in a lot of work but he had results and support from those around him to push him forward.
I have nothing compared to him, not the talent, not the grit, not the strength.
I feel like the world is closing in to crush me, I've failed at pretty much every thing I've tried, from fitness to art to even talking.
My memory keeps getting worse, and I've started to have these extremely stressful and sometimes very long dreams every night.
By the rate things are going I'll at best be mediocre by the time I'm dead.
I'm just exhausted at this point, and I don't know if I can keep going.