>>90509293I feel like this one is like 60 percent of the way to being alright. The problem is that a relatively simple idea and joke that could work in maybe 3-4 efficient panels is spread out over 10.
Like first of all do more detailed backgrounds so you don't have to explain what's going on so much.
Then find a way to boil everything she thinks down to about 1/3rd of those words.
You could actually skip the whole north carolina panel by just having her go into the men's bathroom next door.
And then you'd maybe have a good comic.
Like,
PANEL 1: Standing in front of bathroom, 'I can finally use the women's bathroom.
PANEL 2: Opens door, sees women. 'Wait a second...there aren't any hot guys in here.'
PANEL 3: She looks slyly from side to side 'Stay calm, the news says there'll be some handsy fake trans girl here any minute now, he might be hot. Lookin' up skirts, gettin' into scrapes, a real dashing rascal.'
PANEL 4: Crouched in the corner staring at her watch.
Panel 5: Just the last panel, but draw the door to the men's bathroom in the background so you don't have to say she went there and the moment can have impact.
Like I don't know I'd tighten up the dialogue a little better than that but I'm just trying to make a point.
